by robhayeswritesplays


SALLY Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

PHIL No, it’s a tumour.

SALLY Oh, you must be happy to see me then.

PHIL That’s right Doctor, I’m glad you could fit me in.

SALLY Well let’s have a look.

PHIL The tumour is on my penis, causing it to show as a bump underneath my trousers.

SALLY Oh. Perhaps that’s the bulge I initially mistook for a banana.

PHIL Also my penis is currently erect because I find you attractive.

SALLY I see. That may have been a contributing factor.

PHIL Possibly. Do you mind if I eat a banana whilst we wait for my tumescence to subside?

SALLY Ah. So you do have a banana in your pocket?

PHIL Yes, but it’s in my back pocket.

SALLY That’s where I first saw it.

PHIL Then how did you mistake it for my penis?

SALLY I’m not really a doctor. I’m a pervert.

PHIL Surely you still know where the penis is located on the human body?

SALLY No, I’m also an alien.

PHIL That’s odd, you opened this conversation with a very familiar human phrase.

SALLY Pure coincidence. It was a genuine question.

PHIL How confusing.

SALLY We’re here to take over your world. I’m afraid I’ll have to subject you to the some of the most hideous and painful torture techniques imaginable.

The real Sally enters and shoots Alien Sally.

Alien Sally drops dead.

PHIL Doctor! Am I glad to see you!

REAL SALLY I can see that. You’re disgusting!